I guess I didn’t like that…
There is a saying that goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” It is usually invoked when you lose something that you miss. But sometimes, it’s true for the things in your life that you are better off without. As when you leave an unloving relationship. Or cut off your long hair in the summer. If you are lucky, you don’t have to make the choice of letting these things go. If you are luckier, you struggle with a difficult choice and then, in retrospect, realize how right you were to opt for change.
This is on my mind because this morning I sat down to start my work day and had a song stuck in my head. A song about how much it sucks to be working at an office. It was in the same vein as Office Space or Fight Club. So I typed out the lyrics, wrote down the chords and melody, and played with it on the piano for 10 minutes. Now that I come back to my computer, I realize how strange it is for me to be writing a crappy pop song about a life that is no longer mine.
I never entirely hated my jobs. For a while I was content with doing what I had to and deferring my passions to nights and weekends. Now that I make my own hours, I can look back on how that equanimity was bull. Working a job really does suck… the grass actually is greener over here. Now that it’s gone, I can appreciate this more.
